Problems communicating rank high for maters contributing to divorce in the first place. Now that you are divorcing, those problems haven’t gone away, and you likely have much to talk about.
You are probably wondering how to get through to that other person, wishing they would just change.
The first and best tip though is to imagine that they will not change. This forces you to do something different. But what?
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Here are 5 key tips to facilitating your communication during divorce, within your control:
1. Manage your own emotions, recognizing that if you lose control, matters will only get worse. You can do that through deep breathing, relaxation techniques or just telling yourself that by remaining calm yourself, things may go better;
2. Plan the timing of your communications to occur when neither of you have the kids around and you are both free of distractions;
3. No name calling, embarrassing, shaming or threatening. Remain polite and respectful no matter what. Speak how you would want to be spoken to;
4. Chose the right medium for communicating. That can be face-to-face, telephone, messaging or email. Each method carries different implications. Remember that these days, any method of communication can provide a permanent record, so communicate as if your communication can be used publicly. Consider how you want to appear;
5. Keep your communication brief and only about the matter at hand. If you go on a tangent, it can be a slippery slope to topics you may not appreciate. If your ex goes to topics you are uncomfortable with, indicate so and ask to either change the subject or reschedule the call to when you are prepared to address the issue.
When all else fails, you may need someone to speak to your ex on your behalf. If you chose someone to do so, then that person should adhere to the same guidelines mentioned above.