Should I Research My Date?

Going on a first or second date can be exciting, as well as intimidating. This is especially true if you’ve just ended a long-term relationship. This was the case for one woman who recently got divorced. She was nervous and excited, and very surprised to meet a wonderful man almost immediately.

They conversed online and through texts, and eventually met in person. The date went really well, but the woman found it odd that when he paid for the meal, he did not pull out his wallet. Instead, he paid from a small clip of cash.

They went out several times after the dinner, and although the dates were fantastic, she couldn’t help but notice that he never had a wallet and never seemed to have his identification on him.

The divorce was rough on this woman, and she didn’t want to catch feelings for someone who wasn’t right for her. She couldn’t stop wondering if her date was hiding something.

Believe it or not, this scenario happens far more than most people think. When returning to the dating scene, some of us ask every question that we can think of, while others are afraid to ask almost anything because frankly, things are going so well. Why mess up a good thing? Instead of asking their date some potentially awkward questions, many people will resort to social media to get the answers they need.

Social media can be a great tool, but it’s important to remember that some people use it along with dating sites to project an image of themselves that they feel is more appealing than the “real” them. Yes, it is dishonest, but how many people can say they’ve never enhanced their online selves just a little?

The tricky part is knowing how much someone has embellished the truth.

So, should you look up your date?

There truly is no definitive answer. If you do decide to do some online research, be careful where you dig. Sites like LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, etc. are the first places that most of us look for answers, but we often don’t consider the fact that the information on there is selectively uploaded by the person that they are researching. As a result, the information found is rarely the full story or completely accurate.

You can check out some photos to make sure they look like their photos, and perhaps note if they indicated whether they are in a relationship with someone else, but beyond that, these sites do not tend to offer much reliable information on their own.

The best idea for getting answers is to open a clear and honest dialogue with the person. They may not like it, and the relationship may not progress past that talk. But truthfully speaking, if they can’t be honest with you in the beginning, how will that go down the road?

While I wouldn’t suggest conducting an investigation on every person you date, I will caution you that if you do, remember that there are tools and sites that keep track of who is watching. Poking around could expose your quest well before you get any substantial answers and your date may be decide that they don’t want to go on a second date with someone who has combed through all of their photos and posts.

If after a few dates you still have sneaking suspicious that something isn’t right, listen to your gut.

The woman mentioned at the beginning of this article decided to have a professional conduct an investigation on her date, and she found out that this person was not who she thought he was. Aside from lying about his profession, he hid the fact that he was currently married to not one but two other women in different countries. This may seem like an extreme case, but it does happen.

Finding a great romantic partner isn’t always easy, but taking (calculated) risks may be part of the fun and excitement.

Social media can only tell you so much about someone. Whether you decide to say yes, or no, to a second or third date is often decided by your experiences with the person, not what you found online. Trust your instincts as your dating journey continues.