Another Lockdown: How Co-Parents Can Handle Uncertainty

Trust can be fragile. It can be further hampered by change and uncertainty. Parental separation and divorce as well as changing pandemicrestrictions and another lockdown can add to that uncertainty.

However, such is the nature of human life.

There is forever uncertainty as things are constantly changing.

Within that though, to the degree we find some degree of consistency and impose certainty in our lives… We do find the vagaries of the world easier to manage.

To that end, what the child should feel as constant is parental love and care. To the degree to which parents can find a way to lay aside any anger and animosity towards each other, children tend to fare better.

Beyond that, with consistency in routine, children and adults alike, tend to find comfort.

Recognizing that some parents simply cannot find themselves on the same page…. At least within their separate homes hopefully routines remain constant. The key is to manage only within your sphere of control.

Although discussions on the challenges of life seem helpful, these inadvertently tend to cause the child to feel dismissed with their feelings.

Children, like us all, prefer to feel heard.

To do so, parents must be able to withstand their child’s upset without seeking to solve all issues brought forward.

It is in the act of hearing the issues of the child, the child feels recognized and this is soothing in itself.

The real challenge of this time comes from accepting peacefully that which we cannot change.

To the degree to which the parents find their calm, so too might the child.

Even in a lockdown, remain calm.

Trust. It begins with us.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW is a Canadian Social Worker in private practice. He is recognized from his 65 episodes of the hit show Newlywed/Nearly Dead, to over 650 columns as the parenting expert of a major metropolitan newspaper, to more than 600 media appearances, to his book, Marriage Rescue: Overcoming ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout Canada and the US and helps family peacemakers grow their practice.