Deciding to get a divorce can be a scary, confusing and overwhelming process; making the choice is anything but easy. Those currently grappling with this decision may feel even more unsure if they’ve seen this new study conducted by the University of Alberta and Brigham Young University. The study suggests that half of couples considering divorce have a significant change in their feelings a year later.
Men and women who are unhappy with their relationship will often ask their close friends or family if they are making the right decision, but the truth is, only you have that answer. That being said, there are some things you may want to consider in order to gain a bit of clarity during this confusing time.
All too often, people only focus on the final step, the divorce, but they don’t understand or think about what the separation is going to look like, how issues will be resolved, and what they want from the divorce, explains Diane Horsman, a divorce consultant and founder of Bold Consulting.
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Many individuals don’t have enough of that key information to make an informed decision about how separating from their spouse will change their life.
Horsman does not provide legal advice, but clients do come to her hoping that she will be able to tell them if they are making the right choice. While she can’t give them an answer to that question, she can help them comprehend what their life would look like should they decide to move forward with the separation. Identifying first steps can really help people decide if this is truly what they want to do.
Fear is one of the biggest roadblocks, adds Horsman. Usually when people are contemplating divorce, they want to make that big change, but they are immobilized by fear. Talking about those feelings and beginning to actually address concerns with a professional (and not just friends) can be extremely helpful. Sometimes, if a client is having a lot of trouble deciding, Horsman will recommend that they see a therapist to help them understand what they really want.
Asking the right questions is crucial, otherwise, you won’t be able to get the answers you need to make a choice you’re secure with.
For example, will you be happier without your partner?
What concerns you most about ending the relationship?
Are you prepared to deal with the financial changes divorce will bring?
Where will you live?
What do you want once you are no longer married to your spouse? How will you achieve that?
And, don’t forget to discuss important questions with your spouse. Poor communication can erode an otherwise happy marriage, and some couples find that they just need to establish stronger lines of communication.
Are you both on the same page about ending the relationship?
If there is a way to save the marriage, what would it be?
Are both of you willing to try to make it work if the relationship can be saved?
If children are involved, are you both willing to work collaboratively to minimize the impact the divorce will have on them?
Divorce is never easy, but most people decide to go through with the process because it will ultimately enable them to enjoy a happier, more rewarding future. If you need more information about divorce in Ontario, contact us to schedule a consultation.