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Article written by Gary Direnfeld
Common these days is the battle cry of Parental Alienation. However, also common is parents sharing things with their kids that while not appropriate, doesn’t rise to the level of parental alienation. The challenge then becomes figuring out if your ex is truly brainwashing your child or not.
Much of it comes down to influence. So, when your child tells you that the other parent holds a view different to your own, yet it is not disruptive, and doesn’t create tension or behaviour problems, then it may be as simple as a bit of poor boundaries.
The challenge for the parent on the receiving end of this is to manage their own response so as to not inflame or make a problem where one doesn’t really exist. It is not uncommon that what starts out as a parent with poor boundaries, turns into a major dispute because the other parent is too reactive.
If on the other hand, the influence of the other parent creates conflict between you and the child and you are managing yourself reasonably, then it just may be that the other parent is trying to brainwash your child.
Either way, the secret to managing is still to remain calm.
A response that extols anger and animosity towards the other parent only serves to reinforce any bad thing said against you. If though, you remain calm and reasonable and reply with, yes, we have our differences and, in a sense, appear unfazed while carrying on, then the child is left with the fact there are differences, but you are holding peacefully to your thoughts and views on the matter.
If you need help to resolve any of these matters, the first course of action is usually to attend joint counseling with your ex. If your ex won’t attend, then consider a separation coach for yourself. A separation coach can help you manage these situations. If the matter continues to escalate, then court action may be necessary, and because you’ve attended counselling or a separation coach and have remained calm throughout, your lawyer will be in a better position to represent your interests.