Co-Parenting & How to Make Both Houses Feel Like Home

Divorce, while sometimes necessary for the best interest of the family, can be very disruptive for kids, who may subsequently have to split their time between two homes. As co-parents, it’s important to make sure that both houses feel like home to your child. By creating a comfortable and stable environment in both homes, parents can help ease these feelings and make the transition smoother. Here we share some helpful strategies for creating a comfortable and stable environment in both homes.

Include Your Child in Decision-Making

When children feel included in decisions, they feel more secure. Let your child have a say in setting up their rooms and picking out decorations, furniture, and bedding. Make it fun; let them pick a theme or bold colour to paint their room to truly make it feel like theirs. This can help them feel more connected to each home.

Extend this decision-making power to beyond their bedroom. Get them involved in other home decorating activities. This will help to make sure each house feels like their home, not just a place they visit. Personal items like family photos, favorite books, and toys should be present in both homes. This helps create a sense of belonging and stability.

Each home should be a safe and welcoming space for your child. Make sure they have a quiet place to do homework and a cozy spot to relax. Safety and comfort should always be a priority.

Keep Things Consistent Across Both Households

Children thrive on routine and consistency. Try to keep the rules and routines similar in both homes. This includes bedtime, meal times, chores, and rules about homework and screen time. Does homework get done as soon as your child gets home from school or after dinner? Is bedtime at 8:00 pm or 9:30 pm? When does screen time get shut down for the evening? Consistent rules help children feel secure and understand what’s expected of them.

Prioritize Open and Frequent Communication

Good communication between co-parents is crucial. Discuss and agree on rules and routines to keep things consistent. Have regular meetings or check-ins with the other parent to discuss your child’s needs and any changes. Also, encourage your child to share their thoughts about the living arrangements and to be open about any concerns. Let them know it’s okay to talk about their feelings and ask questions.

Likewise, keep communication lines open with your child’s school. Make sure both parents are in the loop with school activities and events. Attend parent-teacher conferences together if possible. This shows your child that both parents are involved and care about their education.

Celebrate Special Moments

Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving….may all look a bit different post-divorce. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be special. Make sure to celebrate special moments and holidays in both homes. Not only holidays, but special achievements, should be acknowledged and celebrated in each house. This is an opportunity to create some new traditions that can be enjoyed in both homes. This helps your child feel loved and important no matter where they are.

Be Flexible and Patient

Adjusting to life in two homes can take time, and every child will handle this transition differently. It's essential to be patient and flexible as your child navigates this new chapter in their life. Understand that they may experience a range of emotions, from confusion and sadness to frustration and anxiety. These feelings are normal and part of the adjustment process.

Your child may need weeks or even months to get used to living in two homes. They might miss the old family structure and routine, and it’s crucial to give them time to mourn these changes. Avoid rushing them to adapt quickly. Instead, offer reassurance that it's okay to feel upset or unsettled and that it’s a process you’ll get through together.

Building a Supportive Environment Together

Above all, show your child unconditional love and support. Remind them regularly that both parents love them and that the divorce does not change that. Your consistent presence and affection will be a steadying force for them as they navigate their new reality.

Establishing a stable and comforting environment in both homes is vital for your child’s adjustment to life after divorce. By being inclusive, consistent, communicative, and flexible, you can provide the stability and support your child needs. Remember, the goal is to make each house feel like home.

For more advice and support on co-parenting and family law issues, keep Shulman & Partners top of mind. Our dedicated team is ready to assist you in making this transition as smooth as possible for your family. Contact us today to learn more about how we can help.